Burnt Out on Dreaming

Does this sound familiar?

Over the past few years of my life I have signed up for a lot of different coaching programs, certifications, mentorships, and guidance in a painful and arduous attempt to feel whole. I’ve hyper fixated on so many different hobbies and projects from Dungeons and Dragons, to video editing, to acting, dancing, cooking, and more. Each time I would feel so excited and say to myself: This is it, this is what I’m meant to be doing, this is who I am!

Then, over time, inevitably, the stories would creep in.

I’m not making money at this because I’m not talented.

No one cares that I am doing this, no one is supporting me.

I’m awful at this.

Why isn’t this making me happy? This was supposed to be what I do for the rest of my life.

I became burnt out on dreaming, and it happened over, and over, and over again.

Truly I was caught in the endless cycle of Samsara.

One common thread I’ve seen in the variety of programs I’ve attended most recently are the number of colleagues and fellow students who are also caught in this same thread and thought process.

They freak out about being “good enough” for the teachers and facilitators.

They worry that they aren’t "worthy” as teachers or coaches.

Or they’re almost obsessively clinging to the program as a lifeline that will finally give them meaning, purpose, and free them from their pain.

Here’s an edgy truth my love: You can’t know your purpose until you know yourself.

You can sign up for all of the programs you want, you can build the businesses, hell you may even become financially successful and thriving with all of these things.

But if you do not know yourself, and if you do not have a deep and profound self-love for yourself, it will not fill that lack and soothe the aching in your heart.

I would spend hours on stage in front of a room filled with fans of my podcast, all of them laughing, crying, and celebrating, while still feel profoundly empty inside.

As soon as we walked off stage and I had a moment alone I remembered that I enjoyed doing the things I did because they distracted me from my pain.

I spent decades burning myself out on dreams because my current reality was a living hellscape

I didn’t know how to regulate and process my nervous system

I didn’t know how to love myself because all I saw were outer layers and story books filled with trauma, pain, and self-resentment.

So I threw money at programs, coaches, hobbies, passion projects, etc. all to find some way to love myself when in reality I was distracting myself.

I have been asked before (and there will surely be a longer post about this) why I coach around Authenticity when coaching people to build their businesses would be more profitable. As a person who founded multiple start-up companies, and with a Masters in Entrepreneurship I would certainly be qualified.

The answer, quite simply, is because of everything I detailed above.

I don’t want to give people a lifeline and have them throw money away in a desperate attempt to find purpose when they are still overwhelmed by neurosis and fear.

I want to help people come home to themselves, so they can move with confidence in life. Knowing full well where to invest their time, money, and energy, because they are focused first and foremost on their personal wellbeing and relationship with themselves.

You don’t need to burn yourself out on dreaming.

You can thrive in life.

You just need to have the courage to choose yourself and dance with your shadows.